This last week has been a bit draining. I'm hardly sleeping at all. Generally an hour or two a night, other than an odd night when I crashed for roughly twelve hours. My dreams are vivid but as soon as I wake up it all slips away. I'm just left a bit disoriented trying to puzzle through the various emotions and sensations I'm left with.
All that aside, dealing with the VA or rather their particular brand of red tape is highly frustrating. I'm hoping that one of my options opens itself up soon and I can get out of this area. I've got so many options, I just have to make a concrete decision and go with it. As ever, the hard part is taking the boys into any and all deliberation on relocating or going back to soldiering full time. Being full time Infantry and single precludes me from having the boys. Which is just unacceptable. To me and to them. Hopefully, after APR I'll be able to put this packet in and see where it leads. I think in the mean time, tossing a few packets to other agencies won't be a bad idea.
The other consideration is that if I DO move to Austin or El Paso and one of these packets goes through it's a wasted move. Austin would put me much closer to the boys though, which is important. I can go without a good woman. Going without my sons is murderous. That as probably the hardest part of living overseas and being a single soldier. The Army makes it nearly impossible to secure a place for visitation if you're living in the Barracks. And in Germany you can't live off post unless you're E-7 or above and/or married. Bah. So, long story short that's a pro. The pro for El Paso is a relatively well paying job. I just hate El Paso. And driving from there to anywhere in TX is an ordeal. If everything works out the way I want it to, I'll have my boys all the time in a year or so and be back up north somewhere. I don't really care where I get stationed as long as my sons are with me.
In other news, sifting through vagaries as ever, trying to find the truth behind the words and if that truth pertains to my world at all. But what can you really do about that? You can stumble blind, have tunnel vision, or try and see everything. Maybe, we're all guilty of doing all three depending on the situation. It's a thing.
Sometimes Lovers and Losers all are truth wrapped in lies. We hurl out truths out heedless of where they may land. When we speak the truth at all. And when we do, so many of us never speak it to ourselves. I'm off to sleep well beneath this beautiful Winter moon, sure to dream of things that are always out of grasp, but apparently on my mind.
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