Another 24 plus at the COP. Go team me. Handsome Rob and I stayed in the truck and engaged in Verbal Combat. Not slander mind you. But varied deep discussion about many varied topics. We touched on Nazi Germany, communist Russia. His new girlfriend, all my ex ones. And that was where we settled for a bit. Reminiscing about old instances and varied sun touched moments with the gray of lies and bitterness only touching the edges.
I resolved after sleeping that my mind will be the fist that shatters the mirror. My truth is the steel toed boot to kick your teeth down your throat. There are so many things I've discovered that I am angry about. And being older it's not the raw boned rage of my youth but more of a simmering hatred. And it's pure. It's like waking up finally. I can't say that I don't have regrets. There are certainly a few.
But, beyond all that I've discovered that beyond myself, there are quite a few folks I am quite perturbed with. (Another trick of age. Instead of saying, "I'd like to take a tire iron to everything you cherish in front of you, before stoving in your rotten skull." I say quite perturbed.
And that's okay. It's not an urge for violence so much as a reckoning of everything I've let slide. At some point your eyes refocus and you see all the little daggers and arrows stuck in you,the things that were hidden or stolen, and well... you get a little..perturbed. Some of these people, events, etc. I'll never be able to rectify. Others live right at home. So...maybe something will get fixed. But, seeing as how if nothing else, I've learned that you can't trust anything or anyone. I highly doubt even the easy to reach ones will see a viable solution. So where does that leave me? Exactly where I was I guess. Just a little more cognizant of who and what I'm dealing with on every level.
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